iWas Too Late
by Edio
Summary: Sam tells the story of how she figured out how she really felt about Freddie. Did she take too long to figure it out. What if she was too late. SEDDIE
1. Chapter 1

**Thnx all around for the reviews on my first story. This was actually not supposed to be my second but it grew out of writer's block on the other. Also supposed to be a one-shot but I felt like it was long enough for 2 chapters****.**

**Pls enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly**

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I sat alone on the fire escape nervously waiting. I thought that maybe I should have worn something else, but I wanted this night to be special so I just wrapped myself tightly in my coat to try and keep warm. I've asked myself over and over again why was I here and why was I doing this – this felt stupid and desperate. I was still amazed that I let Carly talk me into this. When I thought about it, though, deep inside I knew I had to find out. I looked around and made sure everything was ready. Carly and I worked hard at setting this up and I didn't want anything to go wrong. But I guessed that will depend entirely on what he says. I hoped I wasn't already too late – I hoped I hadn't taken too long before telling him how I truly felt. I checked my phone again but there was no message. I sat down on the cold metal steps and waited some more.

Freddie kissed me here one year ago from tonight. It was the first kiss for us both. We decided it was a good idea to just get it over with. I thought I owed him that at least for what I put him through the week before. We even promised go back to the way things were between us. It was an innocent kiss. It was awkward too. There was no passion behind it, no promise of anything more. There were no fireworks in my head, no sudden revelation of hidden feelings – none of the things I've heard about that moment. It didn't last very long either. I was slightly disappointed – but what did I really expect? We were just two self-conscious kids who shared a kiss. Freddie seemed pleasantly surprised by how nice it was – me too if I was honest. But it was not much more than that – just nice. It didn't mean anything and we were still friends. I left him there on the fire escape and assumed things would go back to normal.

The day after the kiss, Carly, Freddie and I went school together as usual. A few of the upperclassmen still poked fun at Freddie when we got there, but he took it in stride. Throughout the day he just laughed it off or completely ignored it whenever it happened. A stupid sophomore thought it was a good idea to make fun of me and made a lewd offer to help me out with my kissing problem. He regretted it quickly when he found his head sandwiched between his locker and my algebra textbook. So, all in all, things were as they should have been. After a couple of days, the whole kiss thing was forgotten.

After about a month I started to notice changes in the way Freddie behaved. It was nothing bad – in fact it was quite the opposite. It wasn't any one thing I could put my finger on. He just seemed to walk around with more confidence. He would look people in the eyes as he talked to them and he talked with more people too. Although he was still nerdy smart, he acted less so. He didn't seem so hung up on Carly anymore either. Carly noticed how different Freddie was acting too and gave him encouragement. Maybe he was actually becoming cool – for a nub. I decided I liked this new Freddie, but I wasn't going to tell him that. If anything, I actually gave him more grief about it.

I found myself watching Freddie a lot after that. Again, I couldn't tell you exactly why – I would just find a perch which gave me the best view and then I would watch him intently as he did whatever it was he was doing. Freddie didn't say anything about it to me – he just smiled when he caught me staring. Of course I would say something snide and insulting when he did. The truth was that I began to find fewer things about him to poke fun of. It became a struggle to keep up the act when Carly or anyone else was around. He didn't seem to mind that I stopped picking on him so much. Carly did ask why I was being so nice, but I just blew her off.

Spring break came and Carly and Spencer visited their grandad in Yakima. I usually try to tag along with them, but I came up with excuses to stay around here this time. I went over to Freddie's as often as him mom would allow and when she wouldn't, I snuck in anyway. He would sneak some ham into his room for me everyday and we would just sit and talk about ideas for iCarly. I started looking for reasons to sit next to him or touch him accidentally. He didn't act like he minded much. Mrs. Benson caught us once and, as expected, she flipped out.

Summer break came around and I was a bit depressed. Freddie was going away to a computer camp in California. He was excited to go, but it sounded too much like summer school to me. He was away for six weeks. He kept in touch with Carly and me throughout. The phone calls and e-mails helped cheer me up a bit. We even did a link up with him for iCarly a couple of times. He acted like he was in nerd heaven – I guessed some things about him won't ever change. I resented him a little for enjoying the time away. Carly noticed how I was acting and began to suspect something. I wasn't entirely sure why I was acting like that myself, so I repeatedly denied what she was suggesting. She can be a real pit-bull when she gets an idea in her head though.

Finally, before summer ended, Carly got me to admit to her that I liked Freddie as more than just a friend. Actually she helped me admit it to myself. It was a relief to have someone to talk to about it. I told Carly what happened on the fire escape and Carly was beside herself with glee. While talking about it I realized the kiss must have affected me more to me than I pretended. I made her promise not to tell him though. When Freddie came back I was thrilled to see him again. I was surehow I felt about him, but I was too afraid to find out how if he felt the same. I figured I would think of a way once we were back in school, so I put it off. He wasn't going anywhere.

The problem with that became apparent when school started. I discovered I wasn't the only one that noticed the changes in Freddie. I overheard a group of girls talking about how cute he was. Two of the girls argued about who could get a kiss from him first. They were lucky Carly was around to hold me back. Everyday after that, while we were in school, Freddie was surrounded by girls – girls who just a few months ago wouldn't have given him a second look. They would make eyes at him and flirted outrageously. I even watched Shannon Mitchell rubbing his shoulders and neck while we waited for class to start. Freddie acted like he didn't mind at all.

I sure did. I was starting to take exception to the grinning idiot's behavior. Carly told me I should just tell him the truth, but I was too angry. Instead I reverted to the way I was before. I started insulting and belittling him again. I knew it wasn't his fault but I thought maybe I would feel better for it. The thing was that when I would make fun of him, he looked really hurt by it. I couldn't stand to see that look in his eyes – so I just kept my mouth shut.

A couple of weeks later, one of the things I'd been dreading the most happened. One night in Carly's kitchen, Freddie told us that he started dating Shannon. She had asked him first and he agreed. It seemed like he was asking for our approval for the whole thing. Carly was shocked into silence and looked at me as if I should do something about it. Before she could blurt anything out I forced myself to act like I was happy for them. I told him it was great and that they made a cute couple. I even said I was sure he could get his first real kiss. He looked confused, but I kept pressing. I told him since a lot of girls wanted him, he could kiss anyone he wanted – he didn't have to settle for just anyone to get it over with. When he didn't say anything, I just laughed it off and talked about other things. After he left Carly found me in her room alone – I cried for a long time.

I was too late.

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**Hope you like it so far.**

**I wanted to write this as if Sam was telling the story. I didn't want to use any dialogue at all. Let me know if it worked.**

**I'll post chapter 2 this weekend. Sooner if enough of you ask.**

**Thnx for reading. Pls review if you got a sec. XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**NOOOOOOO****, I just can't do it! I've seen other people doit and I tried but I can't do it. I can not hold a chapter for ransom for reviews. It's too evil!!!  
So I've come to a decision, I will never do this again. If my chapter is finished, it's going up. **

**I've also decided not to ask for reviews anymore. It's already awesome that you read it. I hope you enjoy it when you do. Those of you who have left reviews are just more awesome, that's all. You know who you are. I'll just invite you to add my stories to your alerts or favorites. I've been using those to find even more great fanfics. I'll rant some more at the end. Pls enjoy. Thnx. XD**

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly**

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**II**

After everything that happened, things couldn't really go back to normal again. Freddie was still dating Shannon and it was getting too hard for me to be around him. Carly was all over me to do something about it. I started making excuses and avoided both Freddie and Carly as much as I could. I stopped answering my phone and e-mails. I even missed iCarly a couple of times. When I _was_ on the show, my heart wasn't in it and it was a disaster every time. Carly was getting upset and Freddie was worried about me, but I just pushed them away. It didn't really help being away from them though. I just spent my time alone wondering what Freddie was doing with Shannon instead. I was going insane from it. It went on like that for weeks.

Eventually, Carly came to me alone and yelled at me for being an idiot about everything. She threatened to tell Freddie about the whole thing if I didn't snap out of it. I got mad and took out everything I was holding back on Carly. We fought for a while, screeching and screaming the whole time. We had never a fight like that before. I needed that. When it was all over, both of us were crying and apologizing for the hurtful things we said. It made me realize that the since the kiss, it wasn't only Freddie that changed. The Sam Puckett from before would never have acted like a stupid little girl with a broken heart. She would've taken what she wanted and she would let nothing and no one get in her way. I apologized again to Carly for everything and asked her if she would help me find a way tell Freddie. She happily agreed.

For a month we planned on what I should do. At first I thought I should just go up and tell him, but it didn't seem right. I admitted that I changed enough so that I wanted the moment to be special. I didn't want to just get it over with this time. I thought that he had to see me differently – since I had to compete for his affection. Carly assured me over and over again that Freddie felt the same about me. She didn't explain how she knew – just that she knew and that I should trust her. After all, she figured out I liked Freddie before I did. So we conspired and connived until we came up with an idea – I needed every advantage I could get and Carly was the perfect accomplice. She added all the little details to the moment. I thought some of them were a bit too much, but she insisted. Carly was a hopeless romantic and she was having the time of her life so I left her alone. She convinced Spencer to help set up some of it. I'm still surprised I agreed to all of it, actually.

It would be on the one year anniversary of when Freddie and I kissed. Carly and I agreed I should wear a dress, but I rejected a lot of the extravagant suggestions Carly made. In the end, I chose a sleeveless, dark green dress with a tight bodice and a scoop neck at the back and front. It was modest and simple. It was also the first dress I'd worn in a long, long time so it should definitely surprise Freddie. On the day of our little plan, Carly spent all day making me over. She helped me fix my hair up in a more formal style which left my long blonde curls draped over my left shoulder. I was glad Carly was there to help me - I would have been a complete mess without her. When the time came near, we hugged and she wished me luck. She told me she would text me as soon as she told Freddie where I was.

So I sat alone on the fire escape nervously waiting. Even though I was more nervous at that moment than I had ever been in my life, I was resolved to see it through. I had wasted too much time already. If I had been honest about how I felt for him since the beginning, I could have spare myself all this grief. I finally admitted that I was in love with Freddie Benson at that moment. It was the first time I said that word, even to myself. Then my phone beeped at me – he was on his way. I stood up, took off my coat and straightened up my outfit. The night air was cold, but that wasn't what was causing me to shiver. I ran around and made sure everything was ready. Then I heard his footsteps down the hall and my heart beat skipped. I faced the window and stood as demurely as I could manage. I prayed Carly was right about this whole thing.

Freddie called out my name from the hall but stopped at the window when he saw me. I could read his lips as he mouthed my name again in surprise. He stepped out onto the fire escape and looked around in amazement. Across the railings, buntings of white cloth were draped around strings of white lights. They gave off a soft hazy glow through the fabric. More strings of light were hanging all around us from the landing above. As he walked closer, I watched the reflection of the lights flicker in his eyes like stars. There was a song playing in the background and Freddie stopped to listen, smiling as he heard the words. With just a couple of feet between us, we both said hi. Then he said I looked beautiful. I felt my entire body warm up on hearing him say that. He asked what was going on - so I held his hands and started telling him everything. It felt so good to say all that I've been holding back for so long. I told him about all the things that lead up to this moment, while Freddie just stood patiently and smiled. I opened up to him like I never thought I could. When I finished, I told him I was sorry it took me so long to realize it, but I was starting to fall in love with him. I took a deep breath and, staring down at our hands, I asked him if it was possible for him to fall in love with me too. I felt relieved to finally ask it. After another deep breath, I looked back at Freddie's face.

My heart stopped as I saw Freddie's smile slowly fade. The serious look on his face was completely unreadable. I froze. What was wrong? I tried to ask out loud, but my throat had become so dry. I could tell from his eyes that he was struggling to find the right words to say. All I could do was just hold on to the hope that they would be the words I've been waiting to hear.

Instead Freddie told me he was sorry, but I was too late.

The moment I heard him say it, I realized it was all my fault. The words felt like hammerblows to my chest and I was crushed. I had my answer - I took too long and lost him - and nothing could ever be the same. It was all I could do to not run away from him and hide like a broken-hearted child. I looked down to hold back my tears and started to turn away - but Freddie held onto my wrists before I could. He softly said my name, but I shook my head and refused to face him. How could I? Freddie said my name again as he gently held my chin and turned my face up to his.

And suddenly, he kissed me. It wasn't an innocent kiss this time – it wasn't awkward either. His kiss was full of passion and promise – full of fireworks and revelations. It was an amazing kiss. I didn't understand why it was happening, but I also didn't care. We lost ourselves in it for what seemed like forever. When we finally pulled apart, I realized we had wrapped ourselves tightly in each others arms. Freddie touched my cheek with his fingertips and called me silly to go through the trouble to set all this up. He was sorry but he couldn't possibly fall in love with me. He had already fallen in love with me - exactly one year ago. I was too late.

The effect of what he said was staggering. It was like feeling all of your emotions slam into you at once. But most of all I was blissfully happy so I stood there, wide-eyed and speechless for a minute.

Then I heard Freddie laughing softly and realized what he just got away with. I caught the mischievous glint in his eyes and some of my composure came back. I pushed him away and punched him in the arm. I told him it wasn't funny and tried to look furious at him - without much success. I growled at him and even stamped my foot like a spoiled brat. It only made him laugh harder, so I tried to punch him again. He caught my arm that time and pulled me close, both of us giving into laughter. Freddie said I deserved it for making him wait so long. He thought I would never come around. He even had Carly help him get me up here tonight to tell me, but he wasn't expecting all of this. Things finally clicked into place in my head. Freddie turned serious again and told me he loved me. I told him I loved him too.

From the window we heard a loud squeal of delight. Freddie and I both laughed as we saw Carly jumping up and down, pounding on Spencer's back. He was trying to keep the video camera steady on Freddie and me the whole time. Both of them started whooping and cheering – they were yelling out our names and telling us to go for it. So Freddie and I kissed again… and again… and again.

I couldn't believe it. I guess I really was too late – and I couldn't have been happier.

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** Just a couple of notes. **

**I really tried to try not use any dialogue. It was really hard to pace the storytelling without it. I hope it worked anyway. **

**I purposefully didn't name the song playing in the background so you could fill it in. If you want to share your ideas for the song, that would be very cool. I'll post what I heard in my head while writing this on my profile, but don't read it until you've come up with your own first - got it? - Good! XD**

**Call me weird but I wanted to be Carly in this story, coming up with the whole thing. It would have been SOOO fun to set these two up.**

**Finally, I'll be posting my next story later tonight. SEDDIE of course. I'm stuck on chapter 1. But as per my rant at the beginning, if I'm finished - the chapter is going up.**

**Thnx for reading again. **


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